Freedom to Experience

That smile on your face when someone say "Thanks".

2011-11-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

Material things are a nice gift. Handmade stuff are even more meaningful but you know what's best? Being told that you're appreciated and significant.It lets you know you've been doing things right and have been doing the right things.It lets you know that all your efforts have not been in vain. That you can leave the world with the knowledge that you changed someone's life, you help made their life happier, and most importantly, you meant something to someone.

Counselling is my passion. I would really sacrifice most things to listen to a friend in need. To know that all those late nights and self-sacrifice helped a friend in need is a good feeling. To be acknowledge and appreciated for it makes me a happy girl. It does not take much to make me happy really. I'm blessed with nice things. I may not have Gucci and Prada but what I have materially is sufficient.

Appreciation for me is better than gold. Honestly.

Good Feeling

2011-10-29T19:31:00.000+08:00

It has been one hell of an amazing October. I haven't been back here for almost 3 weeks so I need to answer to those comments on my previous post. First of all, I AM over him but it's the uncertainty of the situation that broke my heart because I was never given a satisfactory explanation for the break up. I never got any closure from him and I somehow have to come up with them myself to close my mind on that matter. After 3 months, I know I will never turn back because I recall the time when I was in that grey area for ONE day and that drove me crazy. I felt a sense of relief when I had the clean-cut break up decision. I knew what to do next. Get over him. And that I did.

Now, back to my october..I always hated those 'bye September, hello October, be good to me' and all those kinda stuff. Sorry, no offence to my readers that do that. To me, I'm just befuddled to think why of all things you thank the month. But I get it, it's not the month that made you happy it's things happening in that month. So what's up with my October.

My mum came and I took her out to dinner. A stroll down to the Viaduct and an exquisite dinner by the waterfront is a great moment. I had all this things I want to do and take her to but somehow I just feel a barrier stopping me. I can blame it on the assignment I was working on that was due that week but I know something could have been done but I let it slid.. A word of advice: really, don't let go of opportunities especially with those that you rarely can meet. I won't be able to do it but if you can, good on you!

Only other thing I can recall is the great birthday BBQ and watching the All Blacks take the cup that every Kiwi had their eyes on. I wouldn't say I'm kiwi and all because I'm a MALAYSIAN yo but it was truly very touching to see everyone rejoicing at their feet when the 80.30 minute whistle went off. I couldn't believe I had tears streaming from my eyes but you know me and emotions. No surprise there. No exaggeration as well.

So, now I have my exam week and I somehow have time to blog? Because this is called escapism. Worse than procrastination I must say. But I had this lightweight feeling over me for my Social Psych paper on thursday. I wouldn't say I studied exceptionally hard but I think performing consistently throughout the semester made me feel more secure. I'm only at a B average for my grades before finals but all is good, I do not place much expectation on being an A+ student. Knowing that I improved in my essay writing skills is something I'm happy with. The HR Report I wrote in 5 hours got me a B+. Not too shabby I would say. That's my constant grade for essays anyway. But next semester, I'll bring it up a notch to B+/A- teehee.

Btw, I am looking for a summer job. If you feel like helping a poor student that can't afford her flight back home, pm me =)

Have a good remaining of the year. It's already November and before long, you're gonna be one year older and one year less to achieve your dreams. Grab it!

Lie to me

2011-10-13T06:00:00.000+08:00

Did he break up with me because he knows this girl is going to the same uni as him and he wants to start on a clean slate with her? I know I'm over him and ya-da ya-da.. If this girl is 'new' then fine..but how come my instinct is telling me there's something more? Oh, he's a liar too. So much for I don't like to talk on the phone/skype but he's fine skyping with his ex?

Guys are all the same. No exception.

Back to Basics

2011-10-06T21:16:00.000+08:00

I've removed all the clutter. All those fancy apps that caught my young 19 year olds' eyes back in 2008. I always avoid judging a book by it's cover. To always know where this person comes from that makes this person have a certain attitude on certain issues. There have been complains that I talk about relationships too much. I like to talk about career paths and education as well. My topics are so boring don't you think? But I feel that this is where I discover who that person really is. All their history and past experiences is what makes them who they are today. The reason they may be afraid of something or the reason why they try so hard at certain things. I like to see the deeper side of that person that everyone takes for granted. When everyone blame that person for being that certain way, knowing them more justifies their actions. That's why I can never summarise a movie for someone because all those details matter and builds the story.

But is it really a good thing? I'm beginning to realize it's not. I get bored easily and when I know a person so well that I can anticipate their moves or have an explanation for everything they say or do, I find there's nothing more. I wish I can restart life and start it with a less critical life and take life as it goes. But that's not me and I never want to be someone I'm not.

Steve Jobs died today and thanks to all those hype, I found this video. What I learned from this is first, Steve Jobs was adopted and second, don't settle.

Webified

2011-09-27T19:59:00.000+08:00

So, I found this at my friend Si Yan's blog and thought I'll pull myself away from studying (kinda) and do a short fun test. Please go to her blog cos she's better at explaining what it is. =)

Pop Magazine

Why, look at you. Clearly, you bear the mark of The Fierce. You know what's hot, but rock your own style, and can dance on that fine line that separates dandy from dowdy.

Fortune

One symbol stands above all others as the authority — wise, unquestionable, and universally fair. Want the truth? Look to The Cookie — The Cookie tells all.

Letters

You reach into your past and explore the history that made you what you are. The letters, photos and mementos of the past are a mirror — they reflect the hopes and dreams that became today.

Friendship Bracelet

Your buddies will be overjoyed to learn that you've drawn the Friendship Bracelet. It stands for sociability and your talent for making each friend, online and off, feel special. So very special.

Pin Cushion

Craft your own world and it's exactly as you wish it to be. That is your secret — the secret of The Tailor. You make real that which most can only imagine, and edit the world to suit your taste.

Thermometer

Your body is a temple, and you're its master. You wield all the tools you need to keep it going, and aren't afraid of a little research.

Transit Pass

The symbol of travel, of paths taken and untaken, of sleeping upright in a middle seat. You are The Traveler.

Energy Bar

Energy, nutrition, health — those are the things you value. It's good that you also like chocolate, otherwise you'd be too boring to be anointed with the EnergyBar — a sophisticated melange of sporting intentions wrapped in a candy-like execution.

Letter Game Tiles

You like your fun and games on a cerebral level. Stretching your mind and beating your friends is as enjoyable to you as zoning out in front of the TV is to the hoi polloi.

Friendship Pin

The Friendship Pin — an unbreakable bond between you and your BFF. It shows you are loyal, willing to wear your love on your sleeve (or sneaker).

Buddha Statue

Infinite kindness and fortune, they smile upon you. You're searches lead you to answers, and you're feeling lucky.

Chrome Rock

Howdy Chrome user! Glad you came by to check out our shiny new browser. Give Firefox 4 a shot; you’ll like life in the faster lane. Until then, here’s a nice chrome stone just for you.

Better You

2011-09-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

In life you won't always be part of the in-group. You won't get to be the center of attention for every party. Why? Sometimes we see things clearer standing on the sideline. You need to feel like an outcast to know how much it hurts. Everyday I try to respond to everybody's request and more often than not, I'll say yes. I have my moments where I feel used, unappreciated, like a tool. Like a security blanket people run to when they need help. I see them when they're vulnerable and sad and this is what I like as well. To see the real person without their masks.

I do have a tip on how to get by.. "Do unto those you wish done unto you". Every time you feel "this is useless, why should I be nice? I'm always the second choice, etc", remember the person you are helping will benefit from this and hopefully pass on the goodness to other people and somehow make the world a safer place to live in. Wow, I sound like some activist. I just want to survive this crippled feeling I constantly feel.

No Tears, Just Smiles

2011-09-18T20:30:00.001+08:00

While searching for a place where I could have stored buttons, I picked up the box that holds all those sweet memories. Peeling blu-tacks from the back of the pictures he mailed to me just made me remember how lucky I was to get such a sweet bf that took his time writing captions behind every photo. It still made me smile. I'm glad our relationship was sincere and true.

I just finish reading the latest card he mailed to me which I received about 10 days before we broke up. Well, I guess you don't need me like you thought you do 2 months ago and I don't need to keep that space for our 2018 family photo.

Past is a good place to visit but not a good place to stay ~

Linger..

2011-09-14T14:43:00.000+08:00

It's been over a month now that I'm single but I still miss the feeling of having a ring around my finger... Just rubbing my hands together and not feel the cold steel rub against my hand something I never thought I'll miss. I don't feel that missing puzzle piece every day anymore but the memory still lingers fresh in my wound..

Rediscover

2011-08-31T18:19:00.000+08:00

I didn’t realise how much I lose myself when I was in a relationship until I start to explore my US dream, booking holidays with friends, saving up to buy a phone for myself, use my free time to read a book/the bible, watching kevjumba on youtube. When I was with him, I gave up my US dream because that’s no place to build a family, I settle to stay in NZ and wait for him to come. I spend my free time with my friends instead of staying at home to msn him. My savings can be spent on my wants instead of saving heaps of money to go see him graduate in UK. Use my free time to read a book instead of knitting a scarf for him. Start watching KevJumba again because before that someone is playfully jealous when I think he’s cute.

I gave up all that on my own willingly and I do regret it a little now but I didn’t mind because I feel that I did not erase myself. I changed. I grew. I think for him more than for myself. But that wasn’t appreciated. That in turn drove him into a corner? Well, so is life right? Who knows caring for someone too much is unacceptable. Who could imagine changing herself to what she think is a better version of herself is a mistake. It just wasn’t meant to be. But a lesson learned no doubt.

That movie

2011-08-30T21:27:00.003+08:00

I would recommend 'Crazy Stupid Love' to everyone. Couples - to realize the importance of your other half and if you have think s/he is your soulmate, hold on to him/her and never give up. Recently single - it's not wrong to go out and flirt and exercise your right as a single person but is that really what you want? Are you really happy letting your past relationship go without trying? Time to reflect. Single - Somewhere out there...your soulmate is there (cliche, but no harm believing in this) searching for you. You just have to be patient and trust that the right time will come. Confused - Just go there for a good laugh. =)

Today I have to erase/remove/untag/delete photos of me and him. Doing that just means I have to go through the pictures we took together or pictures we tag each other in when it reminded us of each other. Deleted pictures of me and him from my profile pic album, removed pictures that I'm tagged with him (thanks to fb's new system, I hope that means I untagged myself), deleted the album of our trip to Singapore and NZ.

I think I got to rest. Every time I conclude my blog post, I always remember the stars he gave me that I will put at the end of my posts. Let's pray my memory of them will fade soon.

xx

Precious

2011-08-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

Looking at little girls in white stockings, dress/skirt and mary-jane shoes reminds me of the time my mum used to dress me up in those before going for weddings, ballet classes and on the weekends. That brief mother-daughter moment that can never come back. When she taught me how to wear my frilly lacey ankle socks with the ribbons facing out.

Those precious moments that I will always treasure in my subconscious memory.

Exaggerated.

2011-08-20T07:11:00.000+08:00

Nothing is worse than going to sleep thinking what you have to do the next day is just dinner and going to uni to study but you get woken up with texts about meeting at 12pm and you have to walk to somewhere you don't know where. YIKES! My plan of sleeping in got interrupted so here I am angry and dissatisfied and confused looking at the map and dreading the walk home =/

Emptiness

2011-08-17T17:42:00.001+08:00

Naive me thought surrounding myself with people all day can eventually fill the void within me. Unfortunately, that brisk 5 minutes walk home drilled a hole so big in my heart no amount of people will be able to fill it. Those emotions, feelings of rejections, failure all came flooding in this empty heart of mine. Just that one person for me to be myself with, without any mask, without any filter through my mind, without any restriction.

I hate when I get all emotional like this but it is something I can't avoid. I can minimize but this feeling of don't belong and loneliness shall never fade away..

Shaking in confidence

2011-08-14T10:58:00.001+08:00

Finally, Soiree is over and my nights can go back to stoning in front of the computer instead of making people hate me and simplifying dance moves for the intro dance for Soiree. I'm sure this 2 weeks, people see the scary angie more with me screaming at them when they do not follow instructions. Rachel told me that when Yuvha dropped her fan everyone tried so hard not to laugh because I was standing on the table glaring at them. Wow, poor things. I do feel good that people are afraid of me and take it seriously when I get angry because that is the point. But it does saddens me that I built such a strong armor for myself that people think I can fight anything. Even loneliness.

The strongest people are the most insecure. I wish I could appear weaker so people wouldn't think I'm so unapproachable and that I don't need any help. But, I have too much pride to be weak because this "why choose to be weak if you have a choice? Why fail when you can succeed?" mindset. I don't find that wrong and I'll never change that but just waiting for that someone that can penetrate the armor and survive to tell the tale.

Yesterday, I think I may have passed out for a moment because I woke up with lights on and at the foot of my bed. My last memory was climbing under the blanket. That's 2.40am for me after dancing in 3-inch heels, changing clothes for 3 times and sucking in my fats in a pretty dress.

Adele's song came on last night..'Someone like you'. I just kept dancing. Flashbacks of him came but my heart is no longer in trouble. I know....

SNOW!

2011-08-08T20:57:00.001+08:00

Today, I went to SnowPlanet for the FIRST time. I did snow sports for the FIRST time (excludes ice skating since that's ice...in Malaysia). Being a person that has never own track pants, I went with my thickest leggings!! Of course my bum is frozen red by the second hour since I wore the least/not prepared and with ZERO experience. I would like to say I got the hang of it pretty quickly and the snow was controlling me at first turning me here and there but..I never fell (most of the time). It was when I start trying to control the board that I fell more. But lastly, I managed to control the board without falling and I would like to end my night of snowboarding at 9.40pm with a success (in my opinion).

This made me think about life...how original ay? When my life path change, fighting it will just make me fall harder...instead, I should follow the path and maneuver it. But no matter how people tell me to "just fall down" if anything happens, I can never take that advice. For me, why fall if you can NOT fall? I can't just give up when my board changes direction maybe because I'm wearing those pants that will hurt but also my pride. Failing at something although I'm new at it is not something I can just do without trying my hardest. ahh... how tedious it is to be me.

ps: I know my english is so bad right now but I lose all my words the moment I step out of the shower.

Girls just wanna be loved

2011-08-04T13:22:00.001+08:00

At the end of the day, a girl just wants to be loved. Some won't mind that their partner makes less than them or is a stay-at-home dad. I simply can't accept that because I still prefer my partner to be bringing in more than me and are smarter than me. Before you go thinking where did feminist angie go, let me explain my concept of gender equality.

To me, cruel mockings and discriminations against women is a big NO to me. I can't accept a men and women equally good at a job have a big salary gap. You do not judge a person by their gender. Most men are egoistic and sexist but I will not judge a man at first glance and say that he can't multi-task or whatever. To me, those are learned skills. I always get offended when they say women can't drive. I'm AWESOME. Just don't judge a person's ability by their gender.

Back to my personal preference for my partner being the breadwinner.. I have a few reasons to that. Men are people with gentle self-esteem, if they feel that they make less than their woman, they'll lose their voice and I don't want a squeeky mouse at the corner. I want a man that can stand up to me but not in a condescending way but in a way that when he talks, I will listen.

My first ex couldn't even drive the thought of being a housewife into my head. My second ex made me think how blissful it is to be his housewife but also his partner-in-business. That works for me but as for now, I'm back to the good ol' career-climber. Every step of my way now is to make my path to being the Head of HR Department in a MNC a little easier. I have the same dream but not the same drive anymore... Maybe I've grown? Or maybe I realised being a homemaker is not too bad if your partner respect and loves you all the same.

And maybe as you grow older, it became easier to move on from a relationship. When you finally wrap your head around the reality, you know that those feelings that you've never felt..although it may be different with someone else, it doesn't make the next relationship any much less precious. My first week was all crying and self-blame. My second week is I want to get into a new relationship to distract myself. But by now (2nd week not yet finish) it's I want to be my old self with those tweaks that changed me for the better. No compromise.

Ideal vs. Reality

2011-08-03T19:49:00.002+08:00

Every time I go to my Social Psych class I find myself nodding at almost every word my lecturer say.. Today my lecturer was talking about how when one partner tries to mould their partner into their ideal partner, relationship either breaks or get better. This is a very simplified version and why am I giving free lessons anyway.. My point is, find a guy that's my ideal.

Sorry, I started typing right after my class but I left it for too long so I forgot most of the things I wanted to tell but the gist of the story is pretty much that. =)

Brand New

2011-08-02T11:02:00.001+08:00

Is it a coincidence that everytime I study Social Psychology, I break up? Studying about attraction and mating preference in the evolutionary perspective somehow affirms what I ask for in a man is truly not so ridiculous.

If I remember clearly from my 12pm lecture, men and women seek for 3 broad things when looking for a mate (excuse the scientific language). Warmth/Trustworthiness; Attractiveness; Status/Resource. Both parties will search for a person that are warm/caring/honest/loyal but men place greater importance on attractiveness while women thinks resources are more important.

I would have to vouch for that because I need a man that I can respect and that if I raise my voice he won't go hide in a corner. Someone that can stand up and say "you don't talk to me like this because I'm not your servant" but I need a touch of warmth/affection in him where he will go "but I still love you. Just be my gf but not my boss or my mother". Have the balls to say that and I will respect you.

After 2 boyfriends and nearly 6 years being in a relationship in total, I feel like I needed a breather. Being 21/22, isn't this the age to flirt around and enjoy singlehood. I'll do just that =) I need to live without the stress of where is this going? How much do you love me? Will we be together forever? If you fail now it will affect our future.. Just enjoy my youth..until maybe I'm 23/24 or a new Mr. Right comes along.. ;)

Grounded.

2011-08-01T09:56:00.001+08:00

Decision is made. Actions must be done now.

One sided..

2011-07-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know how I can be angry at him but I was doing so well moving on from my first bf.. Until I met this guy that does all the right thing and make my heart beat the same way it did 2 years ago... As I sat alone in my room, I feel how much burden I've been putting on people with this breakup. I'm like a nomad. I can't stand being in my own room. Every corner of my room had something that he gave me or reminded me of him.

Why did he give up? When he first told me he'll come to NZ and will do anything to make this work, I trusted in him completely and I know I've put pressure on you but I just want us to be near. The distance really fucked this up for us. Having to argue but not being able to hug and say sorry really misled our emotions. I haven't cry since tuesday because I was holding a light in my heart that we will have a chance once he think about us.. but my light has never been so dimmed in my life. This is one of the darkest moment of my life.

Thoughts that I'm not worth an sms from him should I take him back? Do I really want someone who can stop loving me after 1.8 years? How could he do this to me.. He had family and friends for support. I have friends but I can't tell them all that I truly feel. His friend ask me to make an Ishmael doll and hit him but I can't do that..I don't hate him. I'm not angry at him but I'm just really disappointed that he wouldn't give us a chance although this is our biggest huddle he couldn't face this with me. To think a week ago we were happy...at least it was for me.

My friends tried to distract me by pointing out eligible guys and some guy friends started talking to me and asking how I am after the break up. I feel like I'm cheating on him and these guys just make me wanna be with him more. To be able to say I'm not available please don't try to impress me... Now I feel like I'm free and I have the right to date anyone but I feel like I'm cheating on him. Part of me are still attached to him but how do I appeal to someone that doesn't want me anymore?

I feel like I'm sending out a "I'm desperate" message but if people ask me I can list down all his bad qualities and I still love him.. Isn't embracing his weakness part of this painful thing called love? I must be dreaming..

2 years. No return..

2011-07-29T17:03:00.002+08:00

I met Ishmael for the first time on 24 July 2009. We ended things on 25 July 2011. Hopefully our friendship lasts longer..

This is so painful.

Stop. Rewind. Play.

2011-07-29T09:38:00.000+08:00

I have been spending my nights sleeping over at Juin's place. It is easier to turn around in an empty bed and realise you're not alone. You don't go imagining the person you would love to wake up to every morning is sleeping beside you. I am grateful for the effort my friends do to go all out to keep my mind occupied and my days & nights filled with laughter.

Sitting in class today I reflected that we got into our relationship too fast. Maybe he felt the need to secure me as a gf quick is important before I go flying off to a country 4/5 hours ahead of Malaysia. I totally fell in love with him over the things he did and the stuff he said. I may be naive sometimes that I completely trust the other person that when they tell me their dreams and ambitions I would believe in them and would help them achieve that. But if that person is my friend, I definitely wouldn't push them as much as I did to Ishmael.

Now that we're friends, I can support him without putting too much pressure on him. When his future isn't tied to a dead knot to mine, I find it less important for me to be completely anal and controlling over his choices and actions. Not to say I don't wish our lives would be inter-linked, I do. I hope and I wish for that everyday. But we're not ready for that now. We need to know each other better before we jump into a relationship. Before we made the commitment to be together forever, we first have to know whether our dreams and ambitions match.

Deep down, I wish that after he finish his education in UK, he would venture into NZ and maybe we can start dating again. Objective evaluations have been made and although I do prefer him to be more or something else, I would accept him in a heartbeat. But the decision is not mine to make.. and I wouldn't want to go back to where we were. I want to start brand new where we communicate our likes/dislikes and go through the adventure of discovering each other again. When two people are separated 8000miles with lousy internet connections, being just friends and building a strong foundation is best.

Of course when people ask how am I feeling, I feel lousy. The yearn for a caring/worried text asking where I am or what I'm doing has left a huge hole in my heart but I will have to adapt. The good news can be that I did not touch my ring finger as much as I did two days ago.. I used to adjust my ring or just use my thumb to push the ring at my finger to make sure it's still there and it just became a habit of mine. When I took it off, I felt my face drop everytime my thumb can't find the ring. The nights when I'm in bed is the worst when I put my right hand on top of my left hand and I don't feel any cold metal/silver responding to me.. At least the days are getting better and I hope tonight will be better as well..

Btw, all this are purely one sided as I still haven't find out what he thinks/reflected on about our relationship..

The heart wants what the heart wants..

Although the heart knows the other heart doesn't..?

Grateful...just a lil.

2011-07-27T15:29:00.000+08:00

I started this blog when I first broke up. Now I'm flooding this blog again because I failed my second relationship. I sometimes feel like my blog is my back-up boyfriend. A place for me to pour everything out. My troubles, worries, gratitude, etc. And you my readers, make me feel like I'm heard.

I came to Auckland more than a year ago and I met a bunch of cool people. I never got close to most of them until recently and they are the most selfless friends I can ever ask for. I complained to Ishmael that I'm always there to listen to people's problems but I can only tell you my problems. Now, they are with me most of my days and nights to keep me occupied and to keep my mind off him. I know their intention that even though we are sitting in the living room at 2am and not saying anything, they won't leave because they know I can't be left alone. They are just too sweet. I am very thankful.

I took off our pictures and erased his messages that I saved in my phone. If we were to restart our relationship, we'll start from almost zero. If we were to move on, I started my step 1. He'll always have a special place in my heart (sorry future bf) but I think that makes me human. That makes me a person that was very much in love but now I am still loving him in a different way. I heard that he cried and had tears when talking about us and I questioned him, why won't you give us another go? He needs to find himself and from that I found myself.. Maybe I'm a lesbian, maybe he have someone else (jokes. they're both untrue).

But I guess there are some benefits. I'm saving heaps and losing weight because I don't feel like eating all the time. My appetite is gone and I hope I can use this opportunity to lose some weight before my appetite comes back! I don't worry too much about not having a bf again but I do wonder if I can find someone better than him. I don't want a rebound and guys approaching me now have a "I'm desperate/I wanna get in your pants" scream behind their "Are you ok?/hugs/lunch on me soon/talk to me if u need someone" messages. I'm vulnerable but I'm not inexperienced :)

For my family and relatives. I will be ok. Talking with you all right now can't resolve anything as it just reminds me of how close we are to being a family but now, we're two friends restarting our friendship.

Don't you all worry too much about me but concern is always appreciated and it helps to keep me busy although I have an assignment due in 3 weeks.

I'm not ok, but I will be...in time.

2011-07-26T15:47:00.000+08:00

You know how the time flies,

Only yesterday was the time of our lives,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,

I had hoped you'll see my face and be reminded,

that for me, it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you, too.

Don't forget me I begged, I remember you said,

Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

I heard this song 3 times today and the second time I pretend to fall asleep, the third time, I continue conversation. I know that we've come together to learn things off each other but now it's time to take what we've learnt to the next step.

Don't forget me. The things that hurt me most is to be forgotten. Wiped off from another person's life like I did not play a part in his life ever. Don't forget me. That's all I'm asking. And of course, stay my friend. =)

Chapter 2

2011-07-26T06:02:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 5am today and wrote a long email..I went back to sleep and woke up at 7am. I felt like crap. I regret writing that email. That few paragraphs of words may push our relationship to point of no return. Yes we've broken up yesterday but a little light inside of me still carry a glimpse of hope that we'll get back together.

He's different. That's all I can say.. My life cannot function without thoughts of him. Is he awake, will he be late for work, what is he having for lunch, is work too tiring, does his eyes need to rest. I'm annoying like that and this mark the end of our 1.5 years relationship. Around this time 2 years ago I met him at the pool place where he hung out with his buddies. He set his sight on me but now, after 2 years.. he don't think he love me anymore.

Walking to uni today I keep switching channels on the radio trying to avoid news about Amy Winehouse and just want to listen to songs. I stumbled on Adele's Someone Like You and I had to fight my best to keep the tears from flowing. I do hope the best for him. I just hope I can be the one to help him. I did not tell him that I want people to see the change in my relationship status so I don't have to tell. It's so hard to say me and him parted ways. We're not together. We're not what we used to be.

I wanted to work on this but he needs to think.. And all I can do is rely on my friends' shoulders while he think..

I ask for strength..daily.

2011-07-24T22:08:00.001+08:00

The things you do for a person...you only long for that person to say they love that you're doing it for them or the appreciate the effort you are putting. You don't need to help me, you just have to recognise that I could have easily not bother or care to do it. Acknowledgement to me is a very important thing because when I do things for people, I will do it with a willing and happy heart. But when you see you're preaching to the wall, you wonder if the wall is still there because 'it' cannot leave or 'it' really is listening...

Give me the strength to do things without hope or expectation that people will value my sacrifices or the extent I had to go through to help/do that.

Trust God - you're so lucky.

2011-07-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

You know, people that believe in God and have faith in God are so lucky. They know that God will protect them and support them and they are made with love and can do anything. They just have to pray and they can rest well knowing God will do the rest for them.

I believe in God. But I am not lucky like some people that I think praying to Him alone will get things done. I feel useless if I do not put in the effort. Like my achievements are not my own. I remember when I was 14 years old, I called my dad from a public phone outside my high school to pick me up and he said he is the last person I should ask for help. I never asked him from anything after that. I do not expect help from him.

I think. I am dead inside.

Put me on the tab

2011-07-05T17:14:00.001+08:00

My bf is romantic. Just to be clear, he's not that ridiculous to buy a web domain to put that there. His mum is setting up a Women Equality Association for all mistreated women out there. Visit women4equality.org in a week and check it out.

"I want to wake up next to you every morning"

- star # 38

I feel pain. I'm not immortal.

2011-07-03T23:22:00.000+08:00

When you cried I wiped away all of your tears,

When you scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,

And I held your hand through all of these years,

But you still have

All of me

These wounds won't seem to heal,

The pain is just too real,

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

FOUND

2011-06-21T12:17:00.000+08:00

In the midst of my research for my exam on European Union and Asia-Pacific Economic Corporation, I typed "Why did.." into the google search and these recommendations came out. It amuses me that more people ask about a chicken crossing the road than about the Christchurch earthquake and it's funny how someone expect google to answer this question "why did I get married".

That was a good 5 minutes break. Now, time to walk home.

Digital Life

2011-06-13T10:18:00.000+08:00

Many uncountable days we've been apart. Him being in a place where he can't be reached all the time is even worse. Right now, I'm excited to see him tonight but I'm also torn to how much time I can spend with him because my exam is in less than 2 days! I am experiencing all kinds of freak out. It is times like this where I wish I don't have a phone and are not contactable by the outside world.

But without coming online, I won't get to see my bf's flight status. To know that he is safe travelling in the sky is some sort of comfort but writing a psychology essay is no pickle. You're not sure to mess with the theory or mess with the marker's mind and you ultimately end up messing up your own brain to the point where any kind of theory is applicable to your essay because you can just come up with it.

Every semester I go through this moments of depression and self-assurance that I'll do better next semester because last minute cramming is no good and I have learnt my lesson. Let's have faith that I'll be a good student next semester. Or else, I can always be known as street smart instead of book smart.

When thoughts can't turn into words

2011-05-27T20:05:00.001+08:00

I stared at this for 30 minutes and couldn't think of how to spill my thoughts...

A restless and emotionally tiring day.

"I love how you merajuk but still manja"

- star # 37

Have a good weekend everybody =)

Do With Passion.

2011-05-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

Today I went to see the uni doctor. Sitting there facing the hallway where patients/students walk up and down the path. Watching a woman walk in with a short skirt, fishnet stockings, gold handbag, an ipad with a leopard print case. After she sat down, a man sat next to her and she had her back facing him. From her side view, I can see her fake eyelashes and the way her bf tried tot alk to her and she ignored him.

Then, another girl pulled my attention away from this couple. 20 minutes after she was called by the doctor, I see her walking down the hallway dabbing tissues in her eyes and sniffing while walking out the door. Millions of scenario and conclusions were formed in my head but I slapped myself mentally for jumping into conclusions without understanding the situation/context.

This 40 minutes sitting at the clinic reminded me of the reason I chose to study Psychology. To learn and understand how a person's thoughts influences their behaviour and whether these behaviours symbolizes their personality and how much of that is under their control and knowledge. Very often, we students get caught up in assignments and tests and exams and meeting friends, talking to them, building a relationship with friends, catching up on business news and world news and news related to your industry and keeping in contact with relatives and friends overseas, catching up on the latest movies and fashion, coping with changing living conditions, working on your own emotions and behaviours, staying healthy, cooking, cleaning. It's a heck of a juggling act and sometimes, very often we lose track of why we're doing what we're doing.

Some people are less fortunate where they have to study something they don't really care or have no passion for and are doing it because it pays well and parents told them to. I'm lucky where I'm given lots of freedom and autonomy growing up. While some people (including myself) will see it as my parents don't love or care as much about me since they don't suffocate me with attention and concern. I usually see it as them letting me be independent and flying without wings. Without aid. By myself =)

It only takes one person :)

2011-05-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

It takes the same person that made me fuming mad/sad to make me all smiley and giggly again. Only this one person's words are important at this time. No amount of consoling words and warm hugs can replace this person's presence and effort to make you smile again. Who else have that power over me but my bf? Don't abuse it will ya? ;)

"*his drawing of our future family* Remember this? Together forever <3"

- star # 36

ps: I only have 5 more stars so you only have 5 more chances to upset me before you run out of 'life'

When you have the patience

2011-05-23T06:11:00.000+08:00

When you wait and wait for something and it just wasn't worth it. Actually, not just unworthy, it hurts, it makes your eyes cry inside and your heart goes into knots and your brain just stone there staring..

If you've ever got that feeling, you're not alone, I hope I'm not alone too.

APA is an ASS

2011-05-18T22:09:00.003+08:00

Hi again!

I'm bored. Let me stay here and rant about what a lousy essay I'm gonna produce but I'm too OCD to give up on it but not OCD enough to start early on it? Answer = sucky essay plan (exhibit A) and no sleep all night.

Why is personality important? If I don’t know my employees’ personality before hiring them, so what? (Last time, no personality testing what…but now, we need - get quality workforce, save money on training useless people..etc). So now, must use but what to use? Conscientiousness (proof – good to use, can predict, blah blah..) (also go bad side, does not prove many things..etc) Anyway, my results! Tada…conscientious ppl are
less likely to be fired! Boo!

Yes, above is my essay plan without any modification. *cry*

To be a legend or get shot down in shame?

2011-05-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

When you have your last assignment to finish in less than 10 hours that is worth 20% of your grade, you may get bored/lazy/distracted/easily-fumed.

Too bad for this guy that I was looking for something to do on Facebook to waste my time and I found this status. Have a read.

Now that you're done reading, I hope you understand that at the end of the day, don't mess with me. Second lesson is, please think of a better comeback line or you are just making a huge fool of yourself even MORE. I feel the need to also clarify that 1. I did not like my own comment and 2. He did not like it either because he's very egoistic and 3. I'm not afraid he will find this out because when you post things on fb, be ready to be a legend, or get shot down in shame.

Now, I have to go back to adding 1400 words into my essay to make it look complete. I have everything in my head but it's very tedious to find 'evidence' to support my views.

Toodles all, have a great night while I slave away typing in my newly painted nails. =')

You're my star on a cloudy day..

2011-05-15T20:03:00.000+08:00

I'll love you anyway, anyhow, through anything.

"I love how we work thru anything together"

- star # 35

cry cry cry

2011-05-05T15:38:00.000+08:00

Can you watch the same episode of Glee and cry AGAIN? Watch episode 8 season 2 and see if you have my superpowers.

OH. It's the part where they walked down the aisle dancing to Bruno Mars - Marry You part. *heart*

God makes no mistakes

2011-05-05T11:12:00.001+08:00

I am short. I get teased ALL the time. Do I wish I'm taller? Do I pray to God and ask him to give me 5 more inches? Sure...but, I'm never consistent in asking for my height because only when I get very down will I want my height. Other days I'm quite fine by it. I can function without the additional 5 inches and admit it, you think I'm cute! muahahaha! What else am I self-conscious about..? Maybe the marks on my legs but I'm not born that way..just ignorance and did not really care about beauty when I was young. When my vanity age hits, it's kind of too late. And yes, my fat flabby arms. But will I ever do surgery to take them away? NO. I'm too chicken..and after thinking about it, it doesn't really matter because I have people that love me for who I am. Those who criticize my outlook are those that are so insecure of themselves that they need to put me down to feel better. I do that too..so I have to watch out.

What inspired me to talk about this? GLEE!

Yes, I don't wanna be cliche and praise EVERY song Gaga has but this song, after being performed by one of my favorite character, Kurt, I TOTALLY LOVE THIS. Watch this episode and dig out every flaw you think you have and sing this song and EMBRACE your flaws.

"I'm beautiful in my way cos God makes no mistakes"

I replayed this song 3 times and I can still dance till I'm breathless. Go love yourself a little more :)

It'll never be the same

2011-05-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

Picture it. A girl in the center of the photo. She's the focus of the picture. Everything behind her is a blur. People walking on the street. Trains passing on a station. Lights flashing, birds flying. Does it look familiar now? Pictures like this get posted everyday by someone. What is the picture really telling us? Life is going too fast, they need to slow down or she needs to catch up? She's all alone in a world where no one really stops to look at her? She's in the busiest place and yet is the loneliest person there? She's the only person that matters in her life and others are just background? She's the focus of her own life because she's a background in everyone else's life?

On good days, I see this picture and toss it away. On a bad day, I relate to this picture and realizes how I've overlooked her. This day is a bad day.

Favorite lyrics

2011-04-27T18:07:00.000+08:00

I was walking home listening to the radio on my phone and this song came out: 'Greatest Love Of All'. This is not my FAVORITE song but I have my favorite lines in this song.

I decided long ago,

never to walk in anyone's shadow,

If I fail, if I succeed,

At least I lived as I believed,

No matter what they take from me,

They can't take away my dignity.

Defensive. Non-conformist. Persistent. Independent.

This will be my inspiration for my Psychology essay after I'm done with my Comparative Employment Relation essay.

The easiest housework made complicated..

2011-04-26T20:42:00.000+08:00

Anyone ever thought that doing laundry is hard? Not the part where you throw a bunch of clothes into the washing machine. It's when you take it out of the machine and laying it out on the drying rack. It's always too many clothes, too little space. It's a real toughie finding just the right amount of space for each clothing so you don't waste any space in between while making sure they all have a chance to stay under the spotlight.

Yea I'm rambling.. Assignment is unhealthy.

Stronger Bonds..

2011-04-17T18:33:00.001+08:00

Camp. If I have to describe it in one word, it's INTENSE. Intense competition, intense fun, intense worship/talks, intense bonding. All in all, I enjoyed the fear of getting pranked, fear of being a bad group leader, fear of losing, fear of fugly pictures. First time going for a camp, a Christian camp. Being a not very religious/knowledgeable person on Christianity, stepping up as the leader role was not easy for me. Having to lead a discussion was killing me slowly inside. But I'm thankful to have supportive/participative group members so I didn't have to fill those awkward silences.

As you know, I'm far out competitive but I think it's just because I'm very passionate in things I'm involved in. I hate having to fight for first or third place because there's always a risk of being last, without competition, no judgement! Especially physical competition, I'm not exactly the strongest/tallest person in the world...how am I going to win! =.= I just want to go home in one piece. Instead, I got kicked in the stomach playing Captain Ball; rope burns and blue black on my right arm during Tug of War (we won =p); losing my voice shouting at the other team; being everyone's enemy during the war game pulling the opposite team out of my zone. Finally, winning the skit was a sweet victory and being told I'm a good actress =p scolding my son and hitting him and looking funny while doing it. Well, after having over 10 people say they're afraid to be my children - I'm afraid I may be a super fierce mother in the future. hmm... =(

I enjoyed the fellowship and bonding the most despite most of my friends being in different team, we compete all out on the field but after all is said and done, we got closer. Lots of things happened since my last blog but what I wanted to talk about is how I started volunteering at the children liturgy in my church. Feels good to be in a Catholic church, following traditions and keeping quiet - moments of reflection and to read God's words.

So far, I helped out at the Children Liturgy 3 times and the second time I did it was for a bunch of kids 7 years and younger. This pretty 2 year old wearing pantyhose and a dress with mary jane shoes came to me and I carried her and she leaned on my body while I sat down and just hugged her. This other 2 year old boy felt left out and came to hug my arm but he left because that girl was holding my hand and I couldn't hug him. aww.. =(

I remember when I was four and staying in my old puchong house, I was wearing a dress and white pantyhose and my mum was wearing my mary jane shoes for me. These moments of bonding between my mum and me are rare and precious. The other time I remember we always share is when she teach me how to wear my hairband and how to do the 'twist'.

At the end of the day, this skinny boy with a cap gave me his coloring. *melt* It's moments like this that makes my heart flutter and filled with tears...

"I love how we plan our future together"

- star # 34

Star number 33

2011-04-04T19:09:00.001+08:00

2nd April came and went...it's our 1.5 years anniversary. We didn't do much this year, no e-cards, no endless hours on skype, no long phone calls, just a sweet text message promising a lovely future for us, at 1am. I did not feel like he loved me any less but I think it's because our relationship matured where I don't have to guess if he loves me or whatever. I know he does and our next few steps are pretty planned out :)

It felt like we've been together for so long and it's actually only 1.5 years but it somehow felt very short compared to the lifetime we gonna have together. Few days before 2nd April, we were on msn and I was gonna go to bed and I said I wanna call him. He said he'll take a shower and to clear my bed first. I laughed when I ask how come he knows I need to clear my bed and he said something that made me melt. He said "because no matter how big your room is, you always put things your bed". It's amazing when someone knows your messy habits and love you in spite of them.

" I love how adorable you are when you =) "

- star # 33

The Drought

2011-03-27T19:55:00.000+08:00

On Friday, 4pm, we lost our water supply. When i first got the news I was at uni and felt like, "ok..so I don't cook tonight". I called the building manager because the housemates are freaking out and he sounded really stress and since it's the whole building's problem, I left him to deal with other tenants. It felt ok until I tried to go to bed and felt sticky but it's already 12.40am and I didn't want to walk on the streets on my own so I just fell asleep.

Thanks to Rachel and Audrey that opened their home to let me shower! I went to watch Carl Rogers' psychotherapy tape and it was so frustrating handling a VCR. After that I went for lunch with Rachel and Audrey and went back to uni to study. Since 11am, I have been making plans on where to stay/shower for the next few days and even though I'm quite settled I was still worried for the other girls on where they would go. By 12.30pm, I got the news that water is back! You can't imagine how much I wanna jump up and say 'Thank God' while in the library.

Ironically, today's Gospel in Church was on John 9:1-41. Basically, it's saying how with Jesus, we'll never go thirsty. I find that to be a miraculous coincidence because my neighbour told me that it might take around 2 weeks to get our water supply back because they are waiting for the water pump from Christchurch! When I was thinking 'Doomsday', 1 1/2 hour later I got our water supply back.

"Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied"

Child Trauma

2011-03-25T10:34:00.000+08:00

Today, I had the most amazing psychology experience from class. This is what I love about studying Psychology. Every lecture is so beneficial and relevant and it really inspires you to think of your own mental health development, your partner, how you want to rear your children in the future, your friends' problems...

Today, we watched a video about Child Trauma. A talk by Bruce Perry on how brain development, childhood experience shapes and influences crimes, fear, happiness, life and so on. My words are all over the place because everything he said is floating around my mind. To help children, to save them from a broken home - but not every children that came from a broken home have trauma because escaping a bad home is better than staying in an abusive home.

I just want to say, I am even more inspired to build the dream my bf and I have.

Freud vs. Rogers

2011-03-22T11:41:00.002+08:00

So, I went to my psych tutorial which I have dreaded the whole week because I indirectly offended someone during our debate on Freud's theory. Today we had another discussion on who we would choose as our therapist. Sigmund Freud or Carl Rogers.

To give you a brief introduction, Freud is the most popular theorist in the field of psychology who is known for his eccentric and sexual ideas about human personality. Carl Rogers is less popular and he founded the form of counseling that is annoying/frustrating to some but helpful for others. This is because Rogerian approach to counseling is to help their client find out more about themselves and he do that by giving you feedback on what you just said which is basically repeating what you said. Freud is the know-it-all that will tell you the root of your problem and claim to help you solve it.

Me and 3 other girls chosed to have Freud as our therapist while the other 15 students chosed Rogers. Naturally we invited a lot of questions on why would we choose the crazy Freud. My reason is different personality/people need different outcomes from therapy. Some just need to be heard but others need someone to tell them what's wrong with them. If you have been following me, you will know which therapist can give you what.

I think Freud is widely misunderstood and that is very unfair. Many successful theories stem from Freud but they somehow won't admit that Freud has got everything! I admit some of his theories are unbelievable ie: penis envy. I want to sidetrack and raise my views on Freud's opinion that girls have penis envy. It is ridiculous that a girl would want an extra body part. I bet at that age, we don't even know what it does except boys can pee standing and anywhere while we need to hide and find some place decent. Maybe we wish we had that device? But that's not what I wanted to say. I want to say that at the time Freud developed this theory, men are more revered than women and this probably makes women feel that being a men is so much better/easier. I think that is how Freud thinks girls have penis envy. Women just want to be respected and heard like men does hence, we want to me more like a men and what makes men a man? penis! bingo!

Anyway, Freud is awesome! Just misunderstood. THE END.

Segregation is NOT Protection

2011-03-21T19:28:00.001+08:00

First of all, read this.

Why does the women have to hide? Why do we have to wait for a special bus to pick us up? Why are we segregated from the society? We are the victims here. We should not be the ones avoiding, they should be the ones getting punished.

Is this how our country solve problem? By 'protecting' the victim? This will only make the offenders grow stronger and thinks that it is our fault that they are sick like that. Watch this video. Those headlines make me sick. Women are blamed for everything. Where is the justice. Why can't we have the freedom to wear what we want? Clothing is a form of self-expression and we are not allowed to express ourselves in that form. What happens when women who are dressed decently gets raped? It will still be her fault. Living in a society that have these beliefs are very emotion numbing for us.

There are so many unanswered questions. Why are we like this. Why men can be so united in supporting each other ill thoughts but women can't stand together and say NO? It's the thoughts, the culture implanted in us since we're born. The society we grow up in may not ultimately shape us but it sure does a lot to make us who we are.

Women, don't sit that bus. I know it is scary to be in a public bus and everything is so tight that some hand may brush against you. But, getting on that bus means we're giving in to men. We are sending the message that those who sit this bus will be safe and those that are not on the women only bus are asking for it. We don't ask for it! And we don't deserve it.

Squares vs. Circles

2011-03-15T07:19:00.000+08:00

Everytime I think of something to blog about, I'm either taking a shower or reading in bed. But today, I want to rant about this guy that I've met for 2 hours and he already pissed me off.

He said my apartment is built for MEN. whoa sister, you don't know what kind of hell you got yourself into.

Of course I put him through a series of screaming hell. He said because my house have a lot of glass panels, square/geometric designs, it's a bachelors' pad. He also say that because it doesn't have frilly stuff, it's a guy's apartment. I was fuming mad when I reason with him that what kind of apartment comes with decorated stuff. Anyway, I digress and gave one ruling, "Don't ever come to my house ever again!". And then I went and told Melissa (my housemate and his friend) and she say it's ok and I start my story again on what he said and what I said. Sam say I should be a politician. HAHA. I don't even read the news ><

I came up with more arguments with him while I was in the shower (I like to argue with myself) but I forgot about them once I step out of the shower. hmm...

Not Easy

2011-03-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

What is not easy? Making everybody happy. Keeping the landlord happy with rents and apartment management. Keeping flatmates happy with furnished apartment. Keeping everything together for your shrink's sake. Keeping your emotions stable for everybody's peace. Making list of appliances to buy down to the nitty gritty details.

I NEED 30 HOURS IN A DAY (for at least a week, please?)

Insomniac thoughts

2011-02-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

Hello Vampires (I swear I don't like Twilight),

It's Night 4 of my jet lag/insomnia. So many things are running through my mind right now. How to ventilate air in my no window apartment, collecting rent, making tenancy agreement, moving my boxes, buying furnitures that cannot be delivered! how nice to have a car for ONE day, when is my furniture from Warehouse arriving, why can't I sleep, are the lights disturbing my sleep? where is my class, when will the modem arrive, what if the delivery man choose to come during the one hour I'm away in class?! where to get extra keys for my tenants? what if I suffocate in my sleep (no fresh air), how much is my added furniture going to cost, how come I can't pay my fees online, is it safe to do banking while stealing wi-fi, what if the guy downstairs come knocking that we've been stealing too much wi-fi......

So yes, this is all I have and it's been playing on repeat for 5 days now. I hope all this will end by Wednesday. Have a good night Malaysians and to Aucklanders, Happy FIRST day of uni!

Bolehland to Sheepland

2011-02-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

So yes, I'm back in Auckland..the city of sheeps, the street of emptiness and the closed shops at 5am. So let's start all my frustration from heavy luggage, delayed flights, bursting veins, stealing wifi, messed up banking, and so on. Let's start with why have I never got through check-in smoothly! My luggage is always overweight. And I'm watching FRIENDS as I type this and I now why! Because I've never been anywhere for less than 2 weeks! So of course I need like SO MANY clothes. Argh. But this time, I had to endure the humiliation of unpacking 6kgs at the check-in counter.

The goodbyes was tough but we did not shed any tear and I was really surprised I could hold back my impulse to cry so many times. Until I reached the immigration area, turned around and can't see him anymore I felt a little tears coming out.. So, the plane ride was crazy noisy because so many babies/toddlers from Dubai to Melbourne and the flight from Melbourne to Auckland was not long enough for me to get a good sleep. All in all, I had 3 hours of sleep in 2 days.

The apartment looks amazing but I shiver thinking of the electric bill so today I took out a few light bulbs. Hopefully, it'll lessen the burden. And I can't get internet till tuesday so I am stealing wifi from my neighbour and I'm feeling so bad so I just surf. *random thought - I'm so hungry now* The furnitures I ordered wouldn't arrive till monday and I have no food since I have no place to cook or even boil water. I wish I could just sleep away my hunger but my eyes are twinkling open now.

Oh, I left out bursting veins. Both times when the plane was landing, I felt the veins on my face bursting especially around my eyes. I could feel tears coming out and I had to just sit there and hope the feeling goes away. And this time, I did not go vain and wear contact lens and this is the torture I get? Aiks.

And the messed up banking? It's just so frustrating because I can't pay my fees although I have the money and banks close at 4.30pm and weekends! OH MY GAWD.

I'm starving! I'll try and sleep.

Vampire's Breath

2011-02-17T00:56:00.003+08:00

Sis: Where are you going?
Me: Buy food.
Sis: Are you going to the supermarket?
Me: No, it's 8pm..I'm not gonna cook =.=
Sis: Oh...
Me: Why?
Sis: I need onion for cooking class tomorrow.
Me: We don't have anymore?
Sis: No, we only have garlic.
Me: I'll see if I can get it....how many you need?
Sis: I need 4 red onions and..
Me: FOUR? What are you cooking?
Sis: Fried rice.
Me: You don't need FOUR ONIONS for fried rice @.@
Sis: Yeah....I need 4 red onions and 2 white onions.
Me: You mean yellow onions?
Sis: No, she say bawang putih.
Me: Bawang putih is garlic la HELLLLO!

....Bahasa Melayu mereka tak boleh blah.....

Power Up my Farm

2011-02-14T18:49:00.000+08:00

I am currently browsing for which power company to use when I get back to Auckland in NINE days. =\

I'm His Valentine

2011-02-13T21:53:00.007+08:00

The Invitation

Chivalry is not dead (we were on msn at that time)

Our view

Trust me, you have to be there to appreciate the surroundings

The restaurant

We do it our style, table cloth and candles included :)

The sweetest guy The pampered girl

The Meal

My favorite Zanmai sushi = happy tummy

Dessert

Chocolate Indulgence - craved for it since I got back

My amazing bf stood in front of me at my driveway in all seriousness and asked if I wanna be blindfolded or I'll close my eyes. I burst out laughing gazing at his serious face and I agreed to keep my eyes closed. Of course I caught a slight peek at the back seat and something looks like a huge rectangular painting. Turns out it's a table! I'll tell you what it's for later ;)

He drove past many bumps and I'm asking if we're near because highway doesn't have so many bumps on the road..then I heard touch n' go beep and I can see bright lights under my blindfold. So I asked him if we're in Sunway Pyramid =P of course I'm right there ;) He got food from pyramid and my poor boy is all sweaty when he reach the car.

Being the greedy hippos that we are, we stopped for a burger at McD's and I caught the 'Puchong Gateway' sign on the way back to the car and I know immediately we're on the road heading towards Putrajaya/Cyberjaya/KLIA. Remember the pretty jetty we discovered a year ago? He's taking me there. He promised me that he'll take me there someday and I know with 10 days left in Malaysia, he won't forget that promise to me.

I was wondering why he brought a table because the restaurant near the jetty surely have tables! Turns out he not only brought table, he brought chairs, drinks, table cloth, candles, plates, cups and anything he can think of for dinner on the jetty itself. That was truly the best Valentine I've ever had without the cinema and over-crowded restaurants and pricey limited set dinners. We exchanged gifts and watched a movie in the car with my laptop. He got me the handbag I saw when we went shopping for my sister's shoe with a wallet to match. I'm sure this is his first time buying such a girly gift. I gave him my homemade pillowcase that I promised since last year. Haha... I believe it took him few days to come up with this idea and 2 days to get everything ready. That much effort will never be forgotten or taken for granted <3

Of course I won't say that was the best Valentine in the world but it definitely felt that way in my world. I love you and 1.5 more years of long distance is no problem. And you know why I always hesitate when you ask me if I can bear 1.5 years apart? Because I don't want to but we have to and I won't give you up come what may.

Sincerely,

Your mesmerized author.

"I still love how at times you go blank"

- star # 31

"I love how you're easily excited"

- star # 32

Chinese as can be

2011-02-07T03:13:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year came and went so quickly this year. Maybe it's the atmosphere. Maybe it's the people. Maybe I'm on holiday already. But whatever it is, getting money in a red packet is a reason to smile. This year I was a little disappointed to miss so many of my cousins. I felt like the few important hours where most of my cousins are in the same room, I'm off splashing water in Sunway Lagoon. Either way I'll feel bad because I promised my brother we would go and two of the cousins I don't see often wanted to go so badly that when everyone gave up on them and said they weren't going, I didn't have the heart to say I didn't want to go either. So, with my sporting boyfriend, we went for a few hours of under the sun getting splash in my eyes with water.

I guess everybody that went on the pirate ship ride with me realized I'm totally mute when I'm totally afraid. I couldn't scream, i couldn't even open my eyes. I just sat there as the ride go 360 degrees listening to everybody's "whoop". I was squeezing my bf's hand so hard he told me it hurt and I let go of it without a squeek. I guess that scared him seeing I'm so silent he kept consoling me. Sometimes I wish I won't be lifted from the chair when the turn me upside down but that kind of dream is only for a while =D

Anyway, that was second day of CNY. The first day was quite merry and the reunion dinner was a blast with nice homecooked food. The third and fourth is of course doing what we chinese do best. GAMBLE. Apparently, I'm an awesome ginrummy player but not so good in mahjong :C

Visualize it

2011-02-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

Why must a woman go through a makeover, get a boob job, wear sluttier clothes for a man to notice her? You've seen her a thousand times, she's around you all the time, without her your life is a mess because she helps you do everything and yet, you don't realise how important she is to you?

Men are visual animal. But this should not be the reason that women have to have so little self-esteem that they have to change who they are just for you to look at them. Maybe I'm naive, but I'm lucky I can totally be myself with my bf. Many people ask how my bf tolerate my loudness and roughness.. Well, I'm just being myself and if I'm with a man I can't be myself with, why bother?

The first time I met him, I was lying on Azri's coffee table playing Pictionary. I screamed in his ears when he tried to spook me out when we went exploring outskirts of Putrajaya. Once, I dropped my contact lens in Azri's house and my bf (just friend at that time) sent me home with me one-eye-blind. I put my legs on his dashboard and stayed up all night not washing my face or brushing my teeth. I heard from my girlfriends that they don't eat sloppy food and wear uncomfortable high heels when out with their boyfriends. Isn't that unfortunate? This is when I know he's the man for me.

What chinese do best.

2011-01-29T01:33:00.000+08:00

I was halfway typing my story on how I ignored this police on motorcycle in front of my double parked car but I erased it because, what's interesting about that? Over here, everybody defies the law everyday and felt like the haven't because it's part of the culture. Sadly aye?

I'll talk about the CNY steamboat dinner/lou sang I had with my friends yesterday night instead! 7 of us turned up and it was great sitting on a round table gossiping like old times again. =) Let me break this down by the hour, first hour consist of selecting the perfect table under the fan, catching up with Mun Yeu and Boon Chin cause we are the early ones. The second hour is waiting for the food to boil while chatting and taking pictures. The third hour is complaining why our soup has not boiled and changing gas tank. By the fourth hour, we're done eating and preparing for lousang.

After dinner, we made a four car convoy to sunway pyramid to watch "Great Day", it's a fairly nice movie but the Malaysian slangs really bothered me somehow. It's a really touching movie but it just baffles me that the dialog is so simplistic. Ah well, it was a great day with food, friends and lotsa laughter.

Long-time love

2011-01-26T21:10:00.000+08:00

No it's not another person. I'm talking about F.R.I.E.N.D.S! Yes, the tv series that I never got bored of watching again and again and yet, again. I just caught another episode of it while I was downstairs where my siblings were watching it and it's and episode where Joey played Freud (yes, the psychologist) in a play titled 'Freud!' Remember he sang to his 'patient'

All you want is a tinkle,

What you need is a shrank,

All you need is to tinkle,

Or play with,

Or simply let hang.

When I was watching it few years back, I laughed because it sounded funny and I thought it's because it was such a low quality production. Today when I heard this song again, I knew it was talking about Freud's penis envy theory. Yes, the 'patient' was a girl. For you none psychology students, you can look up Freud's theory on girls having penis envy or you can guess why the song is funny just by knowing the name of the theory.

So you see, the reason I love watching FRIENDS over and over again is because their jokes are ALWAYS funny, you discover new things to laugh about and realized their joke was not on the surface like you thought it was and most importantly, the things they go through everyday is what we normal people do go through (break-ups, dating, going for an interview, getting fired, getting married, divorcing, giving birth, annoying mother, messed up dad, and the list goes on) not like other shows where there is a murder every episode or someone going out with someone new every episode.

The days of running errands are back!

2011-01-26T17:27:00.000+08:00

After 3 hours of sleep, I have to face the ugly truth of a full day ahead and went to shower with regrets of sleeping so late the night before. Yes, in Malaysia I have a car thus more convenient to move from point A to point B but everything is also further! Same difference I would say.

Yesterday was my day to visit my aunt at the hospital and keep her entertained while waiting for the doctor to do his rounds so I can talk to him. I arrived at the hospital to find that she's wearing her own clothes with no tubes attached. I talked a bit too loud when on the phone with her son and daughter that she is ready to be discharged. We waited for more than an hour to do the procedures and went back home.

By the way, any of you caught the advertisement about Red.fm on 104.9? The part when the guy say "keep Red fm 'ong' your radio" made me laugh..the other parts just annoyed me that they can't get anymore creative. Oh, for my non-chinese speaking readers 'ong' means prosperous. =)

Pen; Papers; 0.4 Margin; 11pt Angie's Handwriting; Single Spacing

2011-01-25T03:02:00.002+08:00

Shopping lists, to-do lists, bill-to-pay lists, people-to-meet lists, reminders, things-to-bring. Are they a waste of ink and paper or absolutely necessary? I would have to go with the latter to avoid the end-of-the-day-I-should-have-wrote-it-down-*slaps palm on the forehead*-*curses*-*start making a list*.

Getting organize can sit a person on a chair for 5 hours drafting up lists of furnitures and home appliances to buy, errands to run, places to go, internet and electricity registration, things to bring back to NZ and not having a shower till 3A.M and then she realized she have to change the color background of her blog.

It's a wonderful life. Ain't it?

Signing off...

2011-01-23T01:13:00.002+08:00

Isn't my new blog background so annoying to your eyes?

I will change it asap. Now I wanna read my book =)

Worries

2011-01-22T01:36:00.002+08:00

My superman has fallen ill! He brought wii to my house for my brother to play and because it was public holiday for my siblings, we promised to play ginrummy with them. But my bf is already having a lot of phlegm and can feel a fever coming so I stopped by my neighbourhood pharmacy and bought medicine for him. He set up the wii for my brother and went to sleep in my room. I left him at home with my brother and went with my sister and May to do some grocery shopping because I wanna cook porridge for my sick boy.

I felt bad because I left him at home for more than 2 hours? aiks... so I quickly cooked a big pot of porridge and woke him up, force medicine down his throat and we only managed to play a few rounds of ginrummy before I have to go to Klang Hospital to visit my aunt. It's been a day filled with sick people aye? My aunt's intestine is clogged up and she haven't been eating for a few days. The chinese have a saying "people old, machines spoil". It's worrying that as we age, our immune system weakens, we become more prone to accident, body works get clogged up. We stayed till the guard kick is off at 7pm and when I reach home, my bf's temperature was quite alarming so I took him to the clinic.

Almost an hour wait at the clinic for his turn and I was worried he have dengue after looking at a poster at the clinic. The doctor say it's too early to tell if it's dengue or not so he gave him medicine and sent us on our way. I let him sleep in my dad's room because he needs ventilation and can't stand cold. Haih, I've never seen him cold when I'm sweating a bucket. The fact that his body was so hot but there was no sweat really messed with my head the whole night. I had to wake him up every few hours and empty a big bottle of water into him. After I packed the porridge, remind him of his medicine hours for the 5th time and offered to send him home for the 16th time, he left on his own and I slept for 4 hours straight. haha..

It's just such a slap in my face to see him weak and not sweaty. Anyway, I went to meet Ju, Burn and Ser Li at Bangsar and instead of 1 hour, I took 1.5 hours because taking that 'shortcut' was the stupidest mistake I made TODAY. We had dinner at Mid Valley, cancelled our spontaneous plan to go to Seremban because I can't trust Ju's direction back to KL so poor Burn had to catch the train and we chat till 10+pm..

I went to see those stalls in Puchong if they sell my red bean soup and char kuey...don't have! ='(

statistically speaking, I've been inactive.

2011-01-13T23:12:00.001+08:00

It's been a month since my last post and my bf pointed out that my posts numbers have been steadily dropping. He sent me this chart he made of my post stats in year 2009 and 2010. As you can see, my peak was when I'm single and swinging. This is when I blogged most of everyday life mishaps complete with pictures and all. That sharp drop in my sharemarket was when I coupled up with him in October and privatising my blog soon after. Although I opened my blog back up to public sometime in May, I failed to get back up to standard as I'm a boring girlfriend sitting at home facing the computer and msn-ing with my long distance bf. I am even more inactive now that I'm back in Malaysia and having less time sitting in front of the computer.

Also, you all have been so faithful to me, checking in every now and then to see if I had finally get my lazy fingers to do some exercise and I'm sorry you all have been disappointed. I am trying to start anew and will try blogging more. I think blogging less made me less talkative. Is that possible?

So, I came back from China a day before my mum's birthday. Christmas and New Year's there was very different than how it used to be. But China is the third country my bf and I visited and there will be more to come in the future =)

I met up with Sherwan and Hany today and we talked about sexuality, marriage, religion, education, and life in NZ. Hany asked how do I know he is The One. I don't know how to answer her but I said we have a common idea of how we want to spend our future and we want each other to be apart of it. To me, that is speaking volume to what he is ready for and I love him so, there's no really The One and Only. He is The One because you said so, not because some unknown universe put him there and labelled him as that.

On my way home, I was listening to Taylor Swift - Mine. That song describes our situation totally except for the part where it says "we've got nothing figured out". Well, we've got many many things figured out =) We've actually got all the big things figured out. =D I'm trying to be discipline and not put 'lol' or 'haha' in my post. We'll see about that.

Get ready for more blah-blahs because I'm getting in the groove once again ;)

jagered

2010-12-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

It took me 15 minutes to reach home from Ju's place in Bangsar. The 1.5 hours lepak/ramli burger/homemade shandy was worth it than the thought of getting stuck in a traffic jam. I just got back from Seremban. So, I took the train and a bus today *clap clap*

We went to Seremban yesterday, had lamb for dinner and started the night with whisky + root beer and jagerbomb. I couldn't be bothered spell-checking jagerbomb and Burn, you don't even read my blog so I don't care. Burn bet that I can't take 6 shots of jagerbombs but we called the bet off because the night kinda got pathetic and I was already sleepy. We just played drinking games and drank. I had a slow night..only 3 cups for 2.5 hours. The mood was really damp. =(

My stomach is acting up because I don't feel full since last night but I've been eating my meals religiously and gaining weight on the side. Just weird. But, no hangover. Didn't even feel anything actually.

Travelling from South to North

2010-12-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

I know I've only written about the first day of my trip but I've gotten so comfortable living in a HOUSE again. Having to climb up and down the stairs, sweating from the entrance of my room door to the car, I miss NZ a little bit.

Let me give a very brief summary of the trip =) Hope that is enough to keep you readers occupied. So we traveled from Auckland --> Queenstown --> Te Anau --> Milford Sound --> Te Anau --> Gore --> Bluff --> Queenstown (Luge + Gondola) --> Franz Josef Glacier --> Christchurch (Cathedral, Haka Dance) --> Picton --> Wellington (Ferry ride) --> Taupo --> Rotorua (Wai-O-Tapu Wonderland, Te Puia, Agrodome, Maze, Mini Golf) --> Auckland --> MALAYSIA.

Wow, recalling the places we went took a long time of back-tracking. It was only 16 nights but it was so jam-packed with activities, laughter, food, shopping, walking, sweating, shaking, talking, SITTING and sleeping, oh wait..and cooking! My sweet bf does the washing as he knows I hate cleaning up after I cook =D

The highlight of my trip must be sitting the luge while it was raining; going up the gondola was average but going up the sky lift to sit the luge was crazy (scared of heights + no protection from anything except a metal bar across our waist); the 2.15 hours ferry ride through Milford Sound looking at seals, penguins and collecting water from the waterfall was so fun; 1.5 hours hike to see the rare glacier; watching Ishmael beat 2 guys in chess; going into the beautiful cathedral; eating yummy baked potato; sitting on the ferry from Picton to Wellington; the hotel in Taupo was so nice but unfortunately we only can stay there for 1 night instead of the original 7 nights because they wouldn't allow 5 people into 1 unit =( ; looking at geysers, going to Te Puia (Maori village) to look at their culture and performance, watching the sheep show at Agrodome, getting found in the maze, playing miniature golf, fainting at the indoor hot pool and all this happened at Rotorua and I definitely enjoyed the most over there; back to Auckland where the roads are familiar and weather is less confusing and before long, I'm back in Malaysia =)

Will update again soon :D

While it's still fresh in my memory..

2010-12-08T10:11:00.000+08:00

16 days of holidays is long, but it felt so much longer with my hair looking like seaweed without my hair dryer. However, it's a great feeling to be the first few people to wake up and go to sleep seeing my boyfriend. This holiday is the most hectic I've ever been and also the most worth it because we get to see/do so many places/things. I'll start from the beginning of the story with me being the crybaby and my bf the big abandoner.

I left the city at about 7+am to get to the airport by 9am.. After wandering the airport for 1/2 hour, I got a call from my bf saying I need to get into a taxi and come to his hotel. So I grabbed a taxi and saw him in flesh for the very first time since feb 19. In the taxi, I was playing the scenario in my head..thinking if it would be awkward or not and everything and when I saw him, I avoided his eyes and paid the taxi driver. He opened my door, I got out and he carried and kissed me. Then, I know it's him again and my eyes can't stop looking at him since. He put my luggage in his room and we walked around the hotel..and went for breakfast with his family.

We had a flight at 11.20am to Queenstown so immediately after breakfast we went to the airport. It was my first time on a plane with him so cameras started flashing (not really cos I hate flash) and we started sleeping. While on the plane, he took off my ring, looked at the mark it made on my finger and wear it back for me slowly..at that moment, I find myself looking at this man handling me with such care and that he will be doing that to me in front of everybody..he caught me staring into my ring and he smiled his cheeky mr know-it-all smile, gave me a kiss and ask what I was thinking. I refuse to tell him but he already know I'm sure.

Later that day, we arrived at Queenstown, got into the rented car (comfy & big although it takes some skills to load all 5 luggages into the boot) and had lunch at Nando's. After that, it's straight to Te Anau (find it in a map) for 3 nights stay at a cute little cottage. On the way there, we passed by some housing area and saw these beautiful houses..he turned around and smiled at me and I smiled at him back. We both know that's the life we want with each other. I'm so glad the late night msn chats, oovoo, skype, fb inbox, emails did not go to waste because 9 months has passed but it felt like we never separated more than a day.

Yes, that's only day 1 =D

So close yet so far...

2010-11-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

My boyfriend arrived and what am I doing? Crying. Because he won't let me come see him. I know it's dangerous and yada yada yada.. but I WANT. I was so overwhelmed by packing and moving and looking at properties that I didn't have time to sit down and think he's on a plane right now.

Today, after I finished packing I can finally tell people I'm really excited he's here. Our relationship have been going strong and we see each other almost everyday online. But when Fiona asked "Won't it be awkward? You guys haven't seen each other for so long, but i guess it's ok since you all chat everyday". I thought it was ok too but it kept replaying on my mind.

It might be weird because I haven't touched him in 9 months. He have been virtual to me for 9 months out of our 13 months relationship. Now that I think back, my feelings are totally confused. I never see him online for two days and he suddenly feel unreal to me. It's like meeting your online boyfriend for the first time. I'm just so heartbroken when he say he doesn't want me to come now because it's 3.20am.

I tried to sleep. I lie down with my eyes wide open for 40 mins and i reached a point where I know i can never get to sleep until I see him.

ps: I need one of your stars now but I packed it already. =/

pressed for time & strength

2010-11-15T20:53:00.000+08:00

After spending a day at the spa pool with Maricel, lying with Katharina (my friend's daughter) watching her play ps3, watching 2 movies in a row, bbq for dinner, baking cupcakes and muffins, tea party in the afternoon, I spent 1.5 hours shopping at the mall and earned a free ride from the bus driver! That was Sunday =)

Monday and today is packing day. I'm exhausted and I haven't been sitting for few hours because...my chair broke remember? My feet looks 10 years older. Argh!

Now, my bed have a pile of clothes and I have to clear those or else, no sleep tonight. I've never moved in my life. I did move houses but I was too young to do any work. Yay me! Moving to NZ is like going for a very LONG holiday. But this time, I have to handle boxes. I've never handled boxes =(

On another note, my bf is getting on the plane tomorrow and he still haven't pack (good luck baby). Now I have to get back to lightening my luggage.

posted

2010-11-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

My boyfriend wanted me to blog about post-exam. Well, I slept like a dead person for 8 hours after my exam/lunch/viewing open home/buying boxes/carrying them home :(

So, I'll tell you what was so fun about finishing exams. First of all, like duh! Exam is OVER! Second of all, my chair broke. It was wobbly for a week plus and i was hoping it'll stay that way for at least another week. Now, I have no chair to sit on in my room. Third of all, it's all packing from now on. Organizing what to pack for my trip around New Zealand with my bf and his family, what to bring back to Malaysia and China (next trip), what to keep for my next apartment. Coordinating airport pick-up/drop-off meeting-up times, sending my boxes to the storage unit...

I was thinking hard-out partying and sleeping and shopping after I finish my exams but damn, 5 days is not enough when you have to block 1 day for resting/packing (didn't happen), 1 day for beach outing and chilling (today), another day for meet-ups and hugs (tomorrow) and a day for shopping (doubt it's happening).

Honestly, I haven't bought any souvenirs. I'll get them while I travel because...I'm gonna be in Auckland for quite some time. Better get your hands on rarer souvenirs cos it may be a long time till I go visit again. :D

Anyway, post-exam post is suppose to be about exams but I'm quite over it. I know the way I used to wing it is not gonna work anymore. Next year on will be effort. Truly. =)

For now, I can't help but imagine how I'm gonna run into my bf's arms. Jumping/hopping/screaming/crying. I can't decide. Wanna help me out? =p

"I love to pamper my gf. So let me pamper you forever"

- star # 30

ps: I willingly allow you to pamper me :*

one mind

2010-11-08T16:17:00.001+08:00

On saturday, fiona and I visited Charmaine at work at Parnell and Shawn joined us later. After that, we went to look for a place to eat and I saw two swings in front of a building, quite a queer place for swings honestly. I was wearing leggings and it felt very slippery so I got down from the swing before I fall. And while I was sitting the swing sideways while chatting with Charmaine and Fiona. Shawn pushed me so hard I was screaming so loud that eventually lead to tears. So, on saturday..3 people saw me crying in public =.= How was your weekend?

Today, chatting with my cousin and Ishmael. I can't wait to get home!

"I love how we are even chocolate soulmate"

-star # 29

ps: I have proof for this star but I'm too lazy to find it and upload but it's on facebook =)

'tis the season

2010-11-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today, I saw a GrabOne deal selling Christmas decorations for half the price. It's already November and before you know it, the jolly season is upon us! Besides, it's only another 15 days till I get to see my bf. I can't believe 9 months went by just like that. We spent more than half year of our one year relationship being apart physically and we survived it *insert champagne icon here*! And this Christmas will be a winter Christmas =) After that, it'll be 2 months of sticking by each other until we have to be apart again for another year.

While studying today, I took a break and thought about the time my bf and I went ice skating. He wasn't my bf then but I can feel myself interested in him and getting the same vibe from him at that time. We circled the rink 7 times and I fell down 4 times. One time when I fell, he caught me by hugging me. That moment was so brief but I remembered the feeling. On hindsight, I can always be sure he'll catch me if I fall. I never had this security with my ex that I can be sure when my world tumble, he'll hold the fort for me. Anyway, that memory made me wonder how truthful the authors were when they say they remember the speed of the heartbeat, the scent from that person, the amount of stars that filled the night sky on that particular night. I remember he caught/hugged me but at that moment, I can only feel joy but I'm oblivious to other feelings.

I should be studying now but I somehow feel I can write tomorrow. Maybe the fact that it's an afternoon paper calmed my nerves. I'm so excited for my next year's papers. It's gonna be tough as I advance to stage 3 of my management papers and stage 2 of my long-awaited psychology papers. But that just means I'm a step closer to graduation. Due to the fact of course availability, I will have to delay my graduation period :( But this means I won't have to do summer school and I can spend that time visiting my bf? and getting an internship!=D

"I love how we have communication"

-star # 28

ps: star #27 was pure coincidence for my Ringiversary (27 oct) post ;)

nestled

2010-10-30T20:15:00.000+08:00

Today I took the 'Property Press' magazine off Fiona. The things I pay attention to now is so different than back in Malaysia. Back in my hometown where I have a car to drive, roof over my head and no rent to pay I look at fashion/gossip magazines and go shopping for leisure.

Here. I have to get my arse up to go down to Queen Street to look at the same clothes I saw last week and still hoping to buy something if conversion rates didn't hurt so bad. Anyway, I wanted to mention how my priority changed when I'm here. Walking down the street, I take note of what street I'm on, what building is that and what apartment is that and how far it is from the university.

I just want to say priority shifts when we move out of our parents' cocoon and let's hope this butterfly find a place to live soon. =)

turning twenty-one

2010-10-29T18:33:00.000+08:00

As the clock struck midnight, I heard a knock on my door and assuming it's my housemate, I pause my chat with my boyfriend to open the door. A loud "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" gave a me complete shock and made me scream so loud I went deaf myself for a second. The two lovely monkeys were Fiona and Charmaine. And they brought goodies! Chocolate volcano-erupted lava cake! *drool* They went home after I sucked my tears back and continue talking to my boyfriend.

A night of all-you-can-eat-but-it-wasn't-very-tasty buffet, 7 shots of midori + bailey's, 2 glasses of jack daniels + coke, playing balderdash as a replacement to drinking game, spin the bottle truth + dare, waking up at 7am and stumbling home to sleep till 12pm.

L-R: Ming, Charmaine, Fiona, Me, Grace, Michelle, David (camera man - Shawn)

It was a fun night letting loose with them but now it's time to buckle back down and study for my finals. And think, only 19 days left and I can see my boyfriend. That's a delayed birthday present but a gift nevertheless. =) Of course, calls from my parents, aunty and Andrew made my day all the better!

beacause it's spelt this way!

2010-10-27T13:05:00.000+08:00

I remember I couldn't spell because until I'm about 10 years old. Every time my English vocabulary exercise book came back, I always had to correct my 'because' spelling from 'beacause'. I was so stubborn, it took two years for me to change my spelling to the right way. I wanted to argue with the teacher that is how we spell 'because' because 'be' sounds like 'bee' but you can't write 'beecause' because 'bee' means something else so i used 'bea'. As I write my previous sentence, I realise how ridiculous I sound.

When I was 9 years old, I wrote a Mother's Day card for my mum. I remember sitting at my study table back in my auntie's house locking myself in the room and wrote a note on an A5 sized piece of paper. The next day, I stuck it on the fridge with a magnet and wait for my mum to look at it. She couldn't understand a word I wrote! HAHA. I wrote everything down phonetically. I remember I wrote a song down from my music class.

Now when you're older, don't you hate it when those spelling and grammar check software put a red line under every wrongly spelt word you wrote? But, aren't you glad they pointed it out before you handed in your assignment to your lecturer? Do you sometimes get angry at them for cleverly putting a red line under words you spelt correctly but are not in their limited database of words, like your name? The always put a red line under my 'Hwei'. It does piss me off but I hope you don't take these red lines for granted.

Ringiversary

2010-10-26T19:15:00.002+08:00

I was listening to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream and I remembered how 1 year ago today.. you hugged me from behind, gave me my birthday card and told me for the first time "I Love You" out loud, gave me a ring and asked me to be his girlfriend.

The words I'll never forget coming out from your mouth "I want to give you this ring while you are still 19 so when people ask next time, you can tell them I am your teenage sweetheart". And baby, you are my teenage dream =)

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on

You think I'm funny

When I tell the punch line wrong

I know you get me

So I let my walls come down

Down...

Before you met me

I was alright

But things were kinda heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

You'll be my Valentine,

Valentine...

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance until we die

You and I

We'll be young forever

You make me

Feel like

I'm living a Teenage Dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away

And don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance

And don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali

And got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and

Built a fort out of sheets

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

"I love how you enjoy bunny story"

- star # 27

soon

2010-10-23T20:15:00.002+08:00

It's been a while. Lectures has ended. I'm turning 21 soon. Can't wait to see my family and relatives. Can't wait to laugh loudly and not get weird looks by foreigners. To have friends stay up all night and chat and play. See my boyfriend! And of course, the nearest thing to "look forward" to is my exams. Once that is done, it's holiday bliss with my boyfriend and his family around New Zealand.

A year of long-distance did put a strain in our relationship. Arguments that only happened because of time-difference and once-in-a-while insecurity/jealousy. hehe. But those arguments and make up conversations got us closer with each other and although it did make me want to give up on this relationship many times, it also made me realise how much I don't want to let him go. It may be premature for me to say this but I've really found the man I can love for the rest of my life. I can't wait to be in his arms. Just thinking of hugging him brought tears to my eyes. Another 3 weeks and 3 days till I can see him. It will all be worth it!

I enjoy talking. I bet all of you are going duh! right now. =) What I enjoy most is talking when I know people are listening. That's the best gift you can ask for as a talker. Lots of things happened from 10 oct till now of course but nothing too significant to be reported to you all except: "I'LL BE BOMBING KL WITH MY VOICE ON 4 DEC 2010. WEAR YOUR EARPLUGS!"

"I love how you kiss noobcake. So lovingly cute"

- star # 26

10.10.10

2010-10-10T20:44:00.004+08:00

As I mentioned last year, october is a special month for my bf and i. I received his lovely package on 8 oct but I didn't have time to blog about it because I have this huge ass 48 hours film assignment for mgmt 211. I'm sick of explaining that assignment so I'll go back to the wonderful package I ran home to receive.

I teared into the presents starting with a notebook, a pen and a tube that looks like a big lipstick or a small perfume. So I start with the most interesting one. The "perfume" smelt weird so I sprayed it on my leg and started sneezing. I texted my bf & continue with the other presents. Figuring the pen and notebook is quite normal, I start looking at all the photos he sent me then start reading all 4 pages of his letter. On the last page, he told me that tube is a pepper spray. I got a big shock and can't stop laughing & being angry at the same time.

Oh, reading this post.. I remembered he also mailed me the "lyrics" from Oct 2, 2009. He asked me to write a song with him and I was feeling so weird. I'm almost tone deaf and not the most interesting with words and it's just weird the first time we hang out, we write a song together. I can't believe he kept it. He is the sweetest bf ever.

Later that night I was collecting all the stars and more stars fell out from the notebook. I saw 1 star stuck on the pen and I thought I'll save that for a special day. On saturday he ask if I spot anything on the pen and I thought he meant the star so I said yes. I decided to take it out and when I turn it over, it was engraved "ISHMAEL & ANGELINE". This is a gift I always wanted to give him but he beat me to it *hugs*

So, on this special day, I'll open that star that came with the pen. And today, he surprised me with a blog post I wasn't expecting! =)

"I love how beautiful my gf is!!"

- star # 25

powering through

2010-10-07T20:32:00.002+08:00

I have to prep not only myself but EVERYBODY on my team for our presentation tomorrow morning at 10am. I am so sick of being a perfectionist sometimes because it sucked all the energy out of me. I have to spend time writing everybody's part of the presentation, correct their pronunciation, practice their speech over and over again. I don't want to be mean but how does these people stay in Auckland Uni? And how have these people not have any presentation experience? I have been giving presentation since I'm 15. Although I still have stage fright, I'm getting better at covering up.

After that, I have to meet up with 10 other group members to work on a 48 hour film assignment. Before you think I am doing a film paper, this assignment is for management 211. We have to make a 5 min video on a case they gonna throw at us at 6pm tomorrow and we have to do everything from script writing, filming, editing to handing in within 48 hours.

Although this is such a dreadful assignment, I'm kinda glad I can have everything done by Sunday and not have to worry about group meetings, checking everybody's grammar over and over again for 2 weeks. Clean cut I guess.

After that, I have a few more assignments to complete and it's finals and before I can curl my toes, my bf will be here! Oh, the joy of looking forward =D

Scars

2010-10-04T12:33:00.003+08:00

Scars. They mark an experience you've had, mistakes you've learnt, pain you've recovered from but no matter what, scars are permanent. Advanced technologies or not, you can't erase mental scars. Your physical scars may be wiped clean and nobody will know you've been hurt but your mental scars haunt you for life.

Mistakes you make, no matter what you tell yourself will be mistakes you've done. You can learn from it and consciously tell yourself to not do it again. But you've been living in haunted dreams for years that your unconsciousness precedes your consciousness. Those past memories are holding you back from making rational judgment. It refrains you from fully trusting someone because your innocence have been robbed. The world is no longer kind and honest. The person closest to you may not be the person you trust most although you know you can trust them, your scars let you have doubt. It makes you question them. Scars.

couple shirts + birthday cake

2010-10-02T22:18:00.003+08:00

A year went by so swiftly but again, I was not surprised we made it a year. This one year anniversary is one of the many anniversaries I can foresee. Just now, he randomly said "what do you want to do for our 5th anniversary?" LoL. I asked why don't you ask about 2nd, 3rd and 4th? lols. It's this cool confidence, this sweet subtle security he gives me that I've never felt.

With my past relationship, a year anniversary is celebrated with flowers, gifts, fancy dinners. This year, we came online and spent time with each other. Not much of it because of the stupid internet. I got him/us a customized couple's shirt. Not your conventional couple's shirt mind you.

And today, is his birthday. Last year, it was because I couldn't go for his birthday that we went out, just the two of us (surprisingly), on the 2nd. Looking back, nothing that happened with us wasn't the worked of a pure genius. Every moment I enjoyed with him happened before and after we got together. The moment I met him to the moment we got together to now. I know I'm always happy in his presence.

The night I met him, we played pool and drove dangerously on the road. That moment I decided, I like the fun in this boy. When we went pass the kfc drive-thru and the girl at the counter hand me some sweets he gave to her to pass to me, this boy is very interesting and creative. Little did I know, that boy decided he was keen on me the day we met and 'smelt' me within an hour that we met. By smelling me, I meant he walked past me and took a sniff without my knowing. 4 months after that, he told me and I've never felt such destiny.

Today is your birthday and I couldn't celebrate it with you AGAIN. and I probably can't next year as well. But your 24th birthday, we shall be reunited. I love you baby.

You are the only exception, my love

2010-09-30T19:57:00.005+08:00

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind,

He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it,

And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget,

And that was the day I promised I'd never sing of love cause it doesn't exist,

But baby, you are the only exception

My parents did not have the perfect white picket fence and a golden retriever family. But they struggled through life to bring up their children and I know I can depend on you to go walk down the path with me for eternity. We have only been dating for almost a year (2nd oct) but within 3 months of being in a relationship with you, I know we are made for each other. Call me irrational, hasty or blinded by love but the day you told me I have your keys, I have never loved anyone so much before.

My past I realize wasn't love. It was a storybook. We go out and we're labelled as a couple and somehow, I got stuck in that routine for 4 years. You made me see how much we can accomplish in a year that I doubt my 4 years foundation with my ex can ever put us through. We only had 4 months before I had to fly off. We have been in a long-distance relationship longer than in a physically-available relationship. How ironic is that? We may not be physically available for hugs and kisses, we are always emotionally available for each other. And I'm sure we tried harder than other couples to maintain communication and we learn that every minute we have is precious and with that, we did not take each other for granted.

You told me timing is everything and I couldn't agree more. There are so many paths we could have went down and we would never have met. Not one moment passed by without me thinking of you. Whether I'm mad at you, missing you, you are always on my mind. Everyday I walk up Liverpool Street, I'll look into the pool place and think of the time we first met. Every time I eat sushi, I'll remember the times we spent at Sushi King. Every time I look at the chain on my phone it reminds me of the day you came back from Japan and ate my nasi lemak =) Every time I look out the window at the big wide world, I can't wait for you to take me on our life journey in the future.

My aunt is an independent successful lady. I aspire to be like her. My mum is an incredibly strong woman. I want her strength. I want to work in high places where men cannot say women are useless. I have to always put up a brave front and argue with anyone that ever discriminate women. But with you, I can be vulnerable and let you see right through me. Never in my 4 years relationship with my ex that I imagine myself to be a housewife. But baby, you make me want to stay home so when you come back from a long day at work, I'll be there for you. Not in an office staying up late to finish a project. I know I'll be that woman if I have to.

You baby, are the only exception. I love you.

"I love you. I love you. I will love you forever"

- star # 24

shine

2010-09-28T12:03:00.001+08:00

It feels good to wear your bright orange tank top over your white tank top paired with the newly acquired washed-out denim shorts, walking down the street to uni and watch girls grab tighter at the boyfriends’ arms and watch the reaction on their face when their boyfriends look at me. Of course not EVERYBODY did that; just a few couples. It is also convenient that guys may be saying things to you on the street and you ignore them while you continue down the street like nobody was there because..you can!

I’m not a size ZERO but my confidence is a size TWENTY on good days =) So girls, suit up in floral this spring, strut down the street and feel good at how many heads you’ll turn.

Much loves,

angie

bragging rights

2010-09-27T16:36:00.003+08:00

Hello Miss Bragger again,

This time it's for infosys! I am placed 14/1104 students! Just unbelievable!! I've never been placed at ranks like this since high school. lol..

It's SPRING! and I went shopping for some shorts and t-shirts and spaghetti-straps. I bought 2 t-shirts and 1 boarding pants for my bf. I love shopping for him. =) It'll be better if he's around to protest all the ridiculous clothes I want him to wear to humour me. *love*

it's been a year

2010-09-25T23:07:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I was at ocf and I was staring at one of the instrument' brand. The brand is the name of my crush back in high school. Let's say the brand is Yamaha because the guy I have a crush on is NOT Yamaha. And...I just thought of him. Just thought how serious my crush was for him back when I was 13. I remember everytime I watch a concert on tv, I can see that brand and I'll think of him. Yesterday, after many years of not thinking about him, I just thought of him in an unusual location and timing. During worship in the chapel. haha.

On another note, I was browsing on facebook and I ended up in this guy who used to like me's profile. And I saw that he's getting into a relationship soon. It's either they already are or leading up to it. And I felt a mini surge of jealousy? Crazy. He and I were never meant to be because of so many obvious reasons. lol. possessive much? Or I'm just thinking, he'll never find someone else so fast.? It had been more than a year.

Talking about a year, my bf and I are approaching our 1st year anniversary this Oct 2. I already got him an anniversary present. I custom made two t-shirts for us. Mine with the '4' ball and his with the '8' ball. It was our inside joke since the day we met because '4' is purple and my favorite color is purple and that night that I met him - playing poker - I pocketed the '4' ball that is otherwise impossible to pocket. From that day, I declared '4' is mine and we kinda flirted a little with him saying he wanna pocket the '4' ball and he'll miss quite a few times before he can. I always tell him it's not so easy pocketing the purple ball *wink wink*. I miss the days when I spend every night and morning playing poker, pool, mamak, cards, swimming, tennis, cycling and just soaking into each others' lives.

I somehow don't feel our 1st year anniversary is that big-a-deal because I see it happening. Not like it was a surprise we got to a year. I'm not bragging. I see such a long future with him that a year seem so trivial in comparison. It could also be because the most we can do for our anniversary is chat which we do every other day anyway. The time-difference caused a lot of small arguments for us but right now, the physical distance just makes my heart ache so badly. I was playing pool just now and when I missed a ball, I turned and nearly put my face on my friend's chest (guy) but I didn't of course. That's what I always do to my bf. When I miss a shot that was so easy I'll just screech and bury my face in his chest and he'll make me feel better. He will come hug me when we're waiting for our turn whilst our friends play or I'll sit on his lap when he's not playing and I'm waiting for my turn. Just the leaning on each other I miss so much. Being mutually dependent of each other.

Oh, I made milk pudding for this dessert night thing at Char, Fio and Mich's place. It failed quite miserably. It still turned out looking like a pudding (solid) but it didn't look pretty.

It has lumps on it because I didn't beat the egg enough
I didn't dissolve the gelatin properly but the pudding still turned out solid - all good
It's not sweet enough but I followed the recipe

But, I know how to make better ones now! =p

matrimony

2010-09-24T19:25:00.002+08:00

I've been reading this book called American Wife. It's about this clever, nerdy, beautiful lady that married a congressman wannabe, alcoholic, loving husband. This book made me think about marriage a lot. How it is a two person effort and no matter how much the husband is wrong for slurring at her, irresponsible, and being an alcoholic, a marriage needs two person's effort.

Why didn't she speak up or scold him when he was drinking so heavily years ago? Why did the decision to leave him only happens now when your kid is 9 years old? His behaviour did not change. He was the same binge-drinker, uncouth man. But it is him that she fell in love with. The romance and spontaneity in him that he still has. I personally will not allow a man swear at me and not face any consequences. But, I'm not her.

I'm at the part where she took her daughter and went to stay with her mother in another town. Her husband, Charlie couldn't sleep without her which I find endearing yet sissy on his part. But, I have a soft spot for him because he loves her a lot and their marriage couldn't work because he's too relaxed and she wouldn't relax. They couldn't meet each other halfway.

I'm very worried on this part for my relationship. Though I'm not as uptight as the woman, Alice, I am more uptight than my bf. My bf is great. Spontaneous, romantic, loyal, caring. But, he don't give that much attention to details like me. I find that hard for my part although I have to ease up and say "I shouldn't be so uptight, I can't expect him to be anal like me". But, if he meet me halfway, maybe I don't have to worry if he booked tickets for a movie, maybe I won't have to remind him or ask him things all the time. Maybe I can be less of a nag if he discipline himself a little more.

While reading this book, it took me on a journey of life after matrimony. Life with a husband and kid and the chaos of everyday life. Can I stand the little disappointments I still get once in a while? Will it boil over if I left it on the stove for too long? Or will it dry off?

pan!c

2010-09-22T15:10:00.002+08:00

How do you make friends? In a class, at a gathering, at a party, your friend introduce you to another person. NOT at a convenience store downstairs telling this girl where to buy phone cards and then wait outside the store and ask for her number and ask her to go over your place to watch a movie because it's Mid-Autumn Festival.

That is how this guy approached me and sorry, my effort to show him the ring doesn't seem to put him off. He asked how tall am I and I say very short and he say he like short girls. He said he saw me and think i was cute and wants my phone number. Thank God he doesn't have his phone with him so I ask him to just add me on facebook, which I won't accept! There are tonnes of ANGELINE LEE on facebook. I hope he won't wait in front of my building. I will panic! He saw me holding a cup noodle and ask me to go his place to watch a movie because his housemates are out.

Sorry. 1. I'm taken. 2. It's too dangerous you mad cow!

Identity Crisis

2010-09-22T07:38:00.002+08:00

Chill, I don't have identity crisis. Maybe when I was younger but which teenager never experienced identity crisis? I don't think mine was too major a crisis. Anyway, let's not go into Freud's Psychosexual Development Stages. My bf and I did a switch on our msn. So if you all receive weird spamming from me between 11am-3pm, it's not me!

9 weeks, 3 months.

2010-09-20T21:06:00.002+08:00

I just finished doing my monthly bank balance statement and I only spend $400 a month excluding rent, electricity and internet. FOUR HUNDRED! That's so little if you don't look at conversion rates and standard of living here is indeed higher! gosh.

Whilst doing the bank balance..I checked the calendar and you know, in 9 weeks time, my boyfriend and his family is coming! Oh gosh I miss him so much. I hate being the lamp post here. ahh And in less than 3 months, I'll be home in humid, congested and polluted Malaysia. But not to mention home to my family, friends, bf, car, and um-mazing food!

I did not mention freedom as many people would have thought living away from your parents means you can do whatever you want. I never had a problem doing anything I want. I was never confined or grounded on any occasion. I never had a bed-time. Not even when I was young. I'm living here like I would back in Malaysia. So how would I not miss home? Breakfast on sunday mornings with my cousin May and her husband and son, Jayden. Up to klang for lunch with aunty and grandmother. A little bit of shopping and back in puchong by 3pm for Jayden to nap. It was all nice and dandy. Honestly, the final 3 months before I came to NZ, I only get 3-5 hours of sleep each night and yet I'm so excited about the next day. Not one day was boring. Sending my bro to school, picking my sis from guitar lessons. Even traffic jam didn't bother me as much.

Ahhh..and to think, I'm only 3 months away from all that! Life is good.

Previews

2010-09-16T13:05:00.002+08:00

The week have been pretty hectic with essays, tests, assignments and bfm. By tomorrow, my shoulder shall be slightly lighter and I have to catch up on my work. I have abandoned it for about 3 weeks and I really hate to do that but I have no choice. Studies is priority.

I went to the student 360 exchange program and I'm very tempted to do a semester there. But long shot, because the optimum time for me to go is on my final semester of 2012. And if I do my final semester there, I won't be eligible for the work visa and if I plan to stay in NZ and build a career, that is a huge factor to consider.

I got back my marks for my previous management and infosys assignment and the marks are just disappointing. It's above average, no doubt, but it is way below my standard. My expectation is fairly accurate considering the time and effort I put unto it. I have to say I can't write essay unless it is last minute. For example, I have been struggling with an opening line for my Employment Relations essay and only the day before due date I manage to start and flow it nicely. That have GOT to change.

Oh, I don't want to be so proud of this as it is just embarrassing that I got to watch INCEPTION yesterday and NOT for the 2nd or 3rd time. Entertainments are so expensive here that the cheapest way is to pay for good broadband and download. LOL. And even that, I'm restricted as my place have limited capacity (or whatever you say it in IT terms). So I make-do with watching and re-watching Glee, HIMYM, TVB drama and Big Bang Theory. Anyway, back to the topic..I won't elaborate how mind-blowing INCEPTION was because you ALL have already seen it and those that think it's ridiculous is just..ridiculous. Naturally, I teared up when Cobb's wife jumped and being a psychology student, I can just imagine how real this is when people are disturbed. More tears came when Fisher pulled out a paper windmill from his father's safe, so what if it was his imagination and not real, at least he'll have a good memory of his father instead of hatred and pleasant memories always make the world better. And lastly, when Cobb saw the beautiful faces of his children. Nothing beats a heart-warming albeit a little cheesy reunion in a movie.

I just LOVE this kind of movie where you have to think and analyse the movie for yourself. This kind of Sci-fi/thriller-ish shows and romantic comedy are two genres I'm a sucker for. And of course, dance movies! Those cantonese ridiculously rubbish shows are not my favourite but they are good when you have watched every watchable movie in the cinema but this is back in Malaysia where entertainment doesn't cut a hole in your pocket.

Btw, who else feels Jamie Oliver's kids' names sounds like pet names? I'm not insulting the kids because I love children but c'mon Petal Blossom Rainbow? Poppy Honey? Daisy Boo? And the most recent, Buddy. Daisy is what Jessica Simpson named her puppy and Buddy is a common name for pet dogs. *double check if the kids are human/pets. some eccentric couple treat their pets like kids* Ok, it's the real deal! Jamie Oliver and his wife picks out names from a recipe book, gardening magazine and stealing their neighbour's pet names.

Also, I want to touch a little on gender issues. Those who knows me knows that if you ever stereotype a woman into any ancient category my nostrils flare, my fangs grow and my hair stands on defense. And don't ever give me shit about men are BEST at everything. Historically, men have more access to education and social interaction that enabled them to grow with more knowledge than woman. Nature vs. Nurture. There are many brilliant women from history as well but these are usually daughters of rich politicians/nobleman and so on.. I can continue more but I just want to say even though men nowadays recognize and respect women a lot more than they used to, most will never admit in public. It is NOT enough that they know it in their mind, I want them to SHOW it and not shout "women belongs in the kitchen, or women should do laundry". We are NOT born into this world to serve MEN. We serve God. And don't you dare say God is a man and hence, we have to serve man to serve God. I'm going to choke you in your sleep if you ever say that sentence.

I have lotsa fire in me, I'm gonna cook spaghetti with honey mustard chicken.

hear me plea

2010-09-14T22:35:00.003+08:00

Is it too much to ask

To want to be around your arms?

Is it foolish to ask

Do you want me around?

I decided I was naive

To think love was forever

There will be time

Time to realise

Mercy

2010-09-13T07:22:00.002+08:00

From Thursday to Sunday, I have my 2000 word essay assignment weighing on my mind pounding on the door of insanity. I committed to Brighter Future Musical: BFM as their stage manager and my attendance is required. I feel like I'm not typing like my usual self, excuse me, I'm in the essay mode.

Today, I have Stats assignment due at 3pm, Employment Relation essay due at 5pm, Stats mid-term test at 6.30pm, and Stats cecil test due at 11pm. Out of all 3 assignments that could have been done, I only finished 2. I was rushing through my essay when I decided I'll go online for a while and see if the lecturer has replied my email (some question on the assignment). Since Saturday, I went to sleep every night debating with myself if I should ask my lecturer for an extension but I never did before and I don't want to break my own expectation of myself so I carry through. This morning, he emailed us saying he extended our submission date to WEDNESDAY. God bless! HE must have heard my mind pounding every night.

So, I will do some stats practice tests and go for my 2pm class which I planned to skip earlier today. I'm suddenly craving wantan mee! argh!

1 minute

2010-09-03T08:55:00.002+08:00

Look at the circled yellow thingy on the url bar! It's my first time seeing it. So yeah....you can go back to your exciting life now.

toodles.

Hot Air

2010-08-31T15:07:00.004+08:00

Excuse me, I need to gloat.

Dear Angeline,

Our records show that you are making great progress in your Stage I

Statistics course. Your assignment mark of 10 out of 10 and your Cecil test

mark of 10 out of 10 currently places you in the top 5% of all students

doing a Stage I Statistics course this semester. Keep up the good work!!

All the best,

David Smith

Stage I Statistics Administrator

Department of Statistics

I'm reconsidering my major...not because I got this email but because I'm starting to find Employment Relation really historical and boring. I'm a person that when I make a decision or judge something, I must know the whole story. I don't want to know a little information and go making pre-mature judgement on a situation. I think it's the Psychology speaking.. It's good to not jump into conclusion about someone but it's holding me back in a lot of ways. I gotta reshuffle my mind.

*I gotta add that there

are 950+ students in the

whole stage I stats

so 5% is a big deal*

on the highway

2010-08-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

The distance issue creeps back in every time I hear a love song or see a couple walking..or just being the 3rd person walking with a guy and a girl. And imagine, I have to endure another 2 years of that. I hate promises. They just become something you look forward to and they'll stick a 'STOP' sign in front of you. I don't want to imagine. It's just going to tell me I'm speeding and give me a ticket. A punishment.

volley

2010-08-20T20:26:00.002+08:00

You know..you can look at a person's fb wall and see she's a mother, she's a teenager with childhood issues, she's a university student that likes to have some fun, she have anger issues, she blames the world, she's a pessimist, she's a sucker for romance, she's a movie buff, she's a music person, she's an adventure taker. Why? Because of what people post on her wall and her own status.

The friends around you build your image and have an impact on the impression you give to people when they check out your profile for the first time. I love my friends and miss them dearly =)

materials

2010-08-19T19:06:00.001+08:00

I want:-

A Philip 2GB recorder so I can record lectures.

A Microsoft Office 2007.

A lighter laptop that doesn't crash.

Everything I want is for school. =/

flick

2010-08-17T16:45:00.002+08:00

I came home, flicked the switch and it when 'bust'. So I went to the other living room and luckily, lights from that part of the house still works. Then, I remembered switch box! I've never go near the switch box ever since I came in Feb and I can finally put those fuse flicking practice into good use. I have more to say but I just wanna say I miss being the one holding the torchlight/phone, climb the chair to flick the fuse back up at home. =)

Today, I set up camp in the library and managed to throw up 1,047 words for my bureaucracy essay which is due at 2pm tomorrow. By 11am, I've decided to go for the buffet Choon Wei asked me since last week. I totally forgot about this assignment due last week so when he sent me a reminder yesterday I told him I couldn't but am so tempted I ask him to ask me again today. So when he texted me at 1pm, I said yes. I was only quarter through my 1000 words.

I puasa-ed today! It was that hard once I get over 1pm. Only the 'no water' part is killing me but the stomach growling doesn't bother me that much. Now, I have to go back to writing 900 more words. This is where it gets tough because I'm running out of points to talk about!

her magic bag

2010-08-16T21:39:00.003+08:00

I was never really close to my maternal grandmother. But I always remember her as the grandma that carries around a little bag with 3-in-1 coffee mix and sweets :) No matter how everybody in the family debate about her, that image I've had since 5 can never be erased. Seeing her well on fb photos just makes me all warm inside. =)