Finally, Soiree is over and my nights can go back to stoning in front of the computer instead of making people hate me and simplifying dance moves for the intro dance for Soiree. I'm sure this 2 weeks, people see the scary angie more with me screaming at them when they do not follow instructions. Rachel told me that when Yuvha dropped her fan everyone tried so hard not to laugh because I was standing on the table glaring at them. Wow, poor things. I do feel good that people are afraid of me and take it seriously when I get angry because that is the point. But it does saddens me that I built such a strong armor for myself that people think I can fight anything. Even loneliness.
The strongest people are the most insecure. I wish I could appear weaker so people wouldn't think I'm so unapproachable and that I don't need any help. But, I have too much pride to be weak because this "why choose to be weak if you have a choice? Why fail when you can succeed?" mindset. I don't find that wrong and I'll never change that but just waiting for that someone that can penetrate the armor and survive to tell the tale.
Yesterday, I think I may have passed out for a moment because I woke up with lights on and at the foot of my bed. My last memory was climbing under the blanket. That's 2.40am for me after dancing in 3-inch heels, changing clothes for 3 times and sucking in my fats in a pretty dress.
Adele's song came on last night..'Someone like you'. I just kept dancing. Flashbacks of him came but my heart is no longer in trouble. I know....
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